Just Disappear
by KaydenceRei
Summary: Bruce returns after eight months only to find out from the new team of Avengers that Natasha has disappeared without him. He's left with two choices; let her go or give chase.


**Author's Note** : This was sitting on my old laptop for a while and since I finally breathed some life back into that evil mechanical hellspawn, I'm throwing it up for you guys before said mechanical hellspawn breaks again and takes all my work with it into an electronic abyss. Since I haven't had much time to write over the holidays, at least this is something!

 **Just Disappear** :

Eight months.

That was how long it took Bruce to convince himself to go back to the tower and at least talk to a certain redhead that he had left behind. The problem with going back after talking to nobody was learning that the Avengers no longer resided inside the tower.

Tony happened to be there harassing Pepper while she worked when Bruce wandered into the lobby and it took less than ninety seconds for the billionaire to greet him, "Bruce, my man, you have no idea how happy I am to see you. I was going insane not having anyone on par with my genius around."

That was enough for Bruce to give him a wry little smile, "I'm sure."

"Of course, now that I'm actually looking at you, you need a haircut and a shave," Tony informed him and that made Bruce feel just a little bit better. "You look like something a cat threw up, no offense."

"Thanks, Tony. You always know how to make someone feel better," Bruce told him with a chuckle.

"Happy to help, but I was only telling you that since I'm sure I wasn't actually your first choice to visit, am I right?" came his friend's question. "So, you know, maybe clean up a little before attempting to restart the game of hide the zucchini with Romanoff."

Bruce sighed a little, "There was never any hiding of zucchinis, Tony."

He watched his friend narrow his eyes at that, "Yeah, right. I'm letting that slide, so come upstairs, get cleaned up and try to look a little more...human."

"She's not here?"

"None of the team is here," Tony assured him. "They have their own base upstate now. I'll give you a ride when you look more like a human being and less like the guy from Castaway. You didn't make a soccer ball your best friend, right? Name it Wilson? Talk to it?" came the questions as Tony led him upstairs.

"No."

"Thank God," the billionaire muttered.

Bruce took the suggestion. He went to the upper floors that were _still_ apartments, showered, and even shaved. On the bright side, when he looked in the mirror he did look a little more human. On the downside, he still looked absolutely terrible. He released a little sigh before he finally gave up on trying to make himself look any more decent and was once again left questioning what Natasha had ever seen in him that made her 'adore' him.

"Well, look who appears just a little more alive."

"Really?"

"No," Tony admitted without much remorse. "You look like crap. A big steaming pile of horse shit to be exact. But at least it's an improvement to the caveman look you had going on before. Unless, of course, Red is into that extremely rugged look. In that case, wait a few weeks, then I'll bring you over there."

Just like it always did, Tony's stupid comment made Bruce chuckle and he shook his head. He had missed this. "Again, I'll repeat that you always know how to make someone feel better."

Tony smirked at that, "That's why you're friends with me."

"Did I ever get a choice in that?" Bruce couldn't resist the joking question.

"Not in the slightest. So, staying for the day or do you want to head up there now?"

Bruce sincerely debated putting it off even longer by staying in the tower but if he didn't do it now he might just never confront Natasha. He needed to do it now. "Now...but after I do this, then I'll come back."

That got him a real grin from his best friend, "Square deal."

It didn't take more than an hour and a half to get from the tower to the new Avengers facility, and admittedly, it was pretty amazing. "You set this up?"

"Mmhmm," Tony agreed.

"Impressive," Bruce commented as they stepped through the doors.

He didn't have much time to so much as glance around the lobby when he heard a familiar voice, albeit, a very unexpected one. "Doctor Banner, it is a pleasure to see you again," Vision greeted him.

Bruce blinked a few times as he glanced at both Vision _and_ Wanda Maximoff. Wanda was even less expected than Vision had been and also left him with an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"Right, forgot to mention her, but you were pretty determined and I didn't want to ruin that," Tony whispered.

Bruce ignored that _and_ ignored Wanda's presence as best he could. Instead he just responded to Vision, "You too, Vision. Is Natasha around?"

Both the android and the witch were so quiet that you could almost hear a pin drop and that made the uneasy feeling grow even further.

Vision opened his mouth to answer when Wanda clamped a hand over his mouth and she spoke instead, "Perhaps you should speak with Captain Rogers, Doctor Banner."

"I'd really just rather talk to Natasha..." Bruce reluctantly answered the young woman.

"She is...not here," Wanda admitted.

That made him frown, "What do you mean 'not here'?"

"She means that Natasha left four months ago," came Steve's voice.

That seemed to ruffle even Tony's brow as the billionaire dared to reply, "How come I didn't know that?"

Steve gave a small roll of his eyes, "Because you never call. Or show up here. Or answer the phone."

"Right, well, there was that," Tony admitted with a shrug.

"Where did she go?" Bruce dared to ask.

Steve looked warily between the two before the supersoldier sighed. "She mentioned going to Barton's but she hasn't called or answered her phone since she left. Honestly, I'm a little worried, but it's Natasha, so...she can take care of herself."

"Is she coming back?" Tony questioned before Bruce himself could.

"She didn't say but considering that she took pretty much everything she owned? I'm guessing no, at least not any time soon," Steve answered.

Bruce rubbed tiredly at his eyes with that answer.

Tony's next comment was less expected, "So, onto Barton's?"

Bruce raised both eyebrows up at his friend with that question, "You don't mind?"

"It'll be fun, like Hardy Boys mysteries, solving the riddle of the runaway assassin," Tony mentioned.

And Bruce was pretty sure he heard Wanda mutter something about them being 'more like Nancy Drew', but he was still keen on ignoring her presence as best he could. It was an uncomfortable combination of her bringing out his true monster and the fact that later he had willingly unleashed his darkest thoughts when he practically threatened to kill her. He wasn't proud of that moment, though at the time, he was pretty sure she deserved it. "If you say so," Bruce finally agreed.

"Hey, Bruce?" and he turned his head and glanced back at Steve. "I'm glad you're back and, you know, tell her to at least call."

Bruce gave him a small smile at that, "Sure..."

He thought he would get to tell her that for Steve when they finally got to Clint's house in Iowa. He was wrong. Tony landed his jet in much the same place that Clint had during the Ultron debacle and Bruce remembered the conversation he had with Natasha the last time they were here.

 _'So what, we just disappear?'_

And while he had disappeared without her first, he hadn't imagined she would have just disappeared too, he hadn't even believed her when she said she would do it eight months ago. He really wanted to believe that she could have up and left everything behind, but he had seen her light up and come back to her senses when Clint's daughter appeared, and he hadn't believed she was serious. He was sure that she had just still been reeling over Wanda's mind control.

Natasha proved him wrong when Clint stood on the porch and waited for them to reach him. "Well, this is an unexpected visit," the archer commented with a raised eyebrow. "I'm sure I already know _why_ you're here, but—"

"Can I hazard to take a guess that Romanoff isn't here?"

"Afraid not, Stark. She left two months ago."

And Bruce supposed his face gave way to his feelings on that because it was the first moment where Clint's face changed from curious indifference to one a little more understanding and the other man sighed. "Banner, normally kicked puppy faces don't work on me, but I'm making an exception right now. Come on in, Laura's making dinner and we always have extra." And he felt impeccably worse given that he was being offered pity dinner from Natasha's best friend. Clint's face only softened further at the sight of the obvious let-down and the archer spoke once again, "Just get in here and eat. I'm sure I wasn't your first stop."

Bruce conceded to that point and to his growling stomach when both Tony and Clint shot him amused looks, so he trailed in behind the both of them. He was instantly greeted with the smell of garlic and marinara. Once again he was left with that depressing reminder that he could never have a life quite like this and that maybe chasing Natasha down was the completely wrong thing to do. She deserved a life like this even if she thought she couldn't have it, there were other ways for her to have this life, ways that could happen if he had just stayed gone.

"Whoa, Iron Man is back!" came Cooper's awed voice, "Score! Even better! The Hulk!"

"Coop!" Clint groaned.

"Even better?!" Tony looked as though the child had just blasphemed and Bruce couldn't help but chuckle.

Tony practically facepalmed when the kid ran up the stairs and came back down with big plastic Hulk fists on. "The Hulk is my favorite," the little boy replied as he banged the two fists together. Bruce felt the amusement grow even further when he heard ' _Hulk Smaaash!_ ' growl out from the fists. Even Tony snorted out a laugh.

"They actually sell those after...you know...what happened?" Bruce dared to ask Clint.

Clint shrugged, "Dude...they got even more popular. Especially after Sokovia. You trended for about two months. Someone on the Helicarrier actually got a video of the Other Guy jumping onto the deck with Natasha. It changed a lot of people's views on him when people saw that. They didn't see destruction, they saw him save someone, they saw a hero."

Bruce frowned a little, "Yeah, because that makes up for everything."

"Doc...you ever tried Xanax?"

And Tony snorted out yet another laugh at Clint's suggestion. Bruce couldn't even resist a small smile at it.

"The coolest hero," Cooper chimed in, "Can you bring him out now?"

Tony and Clint looked a little flabbergasted at the request and Bruce realized he was the one who was going to have to answer that, "Sorry buddy...the Other Guy isn't really farm-friendly."

And this time Clint was grinning.

Then Lila came down and joined her brother on the stairs. The way she rolled her eyes distinctly reminded him of Natasha and it was pretty clear who the little girl's favorite hero was. "You just like them cause Auntie Nat gave them to you when she was here," the younger child mentioned. Funny, Bruce remembered her being much more quiet and soft-spoken eight months ago but he supposed this was just sibling rivalry, something he never had the privilege of.

And then he came to another realization. It was something Natasha never had either. She had grown up with twenty-seven other girls but there wasn't sibling rivalry, just rivalry, rivalry that tended towards physical violence and death. This was the family Natasha had chosen for herself. Clint's family. Clint, Laura and their three kids were the reason that she didn't 'need' this for herself. She was welcome to come and have pieces of that life when she wanted it and apparently that was all she needed.

He watched Clint pick the little girl up and hoist her up to sit on his shoulders and Bruce gave a small sigh, "So... I don't suppose you know where Natasha went?"

"Afraid not," Clint replied, "I've left messages. She said something about going back to where it started. Apparently she's the Riddler. I thought Russia first, but I couldn't find a trace of her there. Then maybe Budapest, but that was a no go too, and really—I have no idea why she would want to go back there."

Bruce arched an eyebrow up at that, "Well, you and her do see Budapest very differently."

"See? That's what I'm always saying!" Clint grumbled.

And again Lila was doing Natasha's signature eyeroll, "When we were coloring, Auntie Nat said she was going to Coldcuts."

"Coldcuts?" Tony questioned as he shifted his sunglasses to the brim of his nose, "Barton, where's the nearest deli?"

The little girl giggled at that comment.

Clint just shrugged with uncertainty at what 'Coldcuts' might actually be and Tony's only answer was that Natasha must be squatting in the nearest deli. Bruce watched as Laura came in with baby Nathaniel on her hip and she gave him and Tony the warmest welcoming smile, "Great to see you guys again. Dinner is ready."

"Barton, during dinner I require details on how you managed to find a woman this nice, that can cook and was willing to spawn all these mini-Bartons."

"One could ask how you got Pepper, but most of us just accept that she's clinically insane and don't question it any further," Clint mentioned.

"I resent that."

"Me too," Laura added, "Are you saying that's what they think of me?"

Bruce chuckled at that.

"Doctor Banner, first plate of lasagna is all yours."

He gave Laura a sheepish smile before accepting the plate she handed him, "Thanks."

The dinner was surprisingly comfortable and now that Bruce was in a better frame of mind to see it, he could understand why Natasha chose them to be her family, especially when Lila had him helping her color a butterfly much like the one she had given the redhead eight months ago. She giggled away at the rainbow splash of colors he used that simply _did not_ blend well together. "You're sillier than Auntie Nat, she uses weird colors too, but this is funnier!" she mentioned as she laughed. "You could _at least_ stay in the lines."

Bruce smiled at that, "I'll try my best." There was a few more moments of coloring before he thought back to the little girls comment earlier, "Where did you say Aunt Natasha went?"

"Coldcuts, silly," Lila reminded him.

He blinked a few times at her repetition of 'coldcuts' before he recalled Clint's comment of 'back to where it started'. She wouldn't—no—she couldn't have possibly gone back to _that_ start. Why would she? "Kolkata?"

"That was it!" Lila agreed with a grin, "Close 'nuff, right?"

"Right," Bruce agreed with a smile, "Thanks, Lila." He glanced up as Clint and Tony walked back into the room and he grinned at them, "We know where Natasha went." It took him a moment to notice his best friend was holding the youngest of the Barton clan without cringing, "Are you holding a baby?"

"We do?" Tony questioned with a quirked eyebrow, "And this never leaves the farm. This thing is actually sort of cute, when it doesn't smell."

Clint groaned, "Nathaniel is a _he_ not an _it_ , Stark. But yeah, he is cute."

Lila _again_ mocked Natasha's eyeroll perfectly, "And _we_ , Mister Stark, is me and Uncle Bruce."

"Uncle?" Bruce questioned at the exact same time as Tony.

"He gets an Uncle and I get a Mister? Barton, your children like Bruce better than me, and I'm rich," Tony guffawed.

Bruce smirked, "Well, the baby likes you."

Tony scrunched up his nose and held the baby away from him as far as his arms allowed, "Yes, as he just proved, he smells again." He shifted and held the baby out to Clint, "Here's a little Poopeye for Hawkeye."

"Clever," Clint mumbled sarcastically as he took his son. "So where is Natasha?"

"Kolkata," Bruce answered while Lila replied again with, "Coldcuts."

"What he said," Lila added while Bruce jokingly said, "What she said."

Lila and Nathaniel were giggling, Tony was rolling his eyes and Clint was grinning, but Bruce was pretty sure that Nathaniel was only giggling because he just pooped himself.

Probably.

While Clint wandered from the room to deal with 'Poopeye', Laura came in with yet another pleasant smile. "House rules, if you're here after seven, you have to stay the night," she informed them.

Bruce raised both his eyebrows slightly at that comment and he glanced over at Tony, "You told her this was the third stop in a row, didn't you?"

"It might have come up," Tony admitted.

"Sounds like a long trip is about to be next," Laura added with a small smile, "So you're staying here tonight."

It was weird that she could say that and sound sweet yet stern all at the same time.

Weird and sort of scary.

Truthfully, he really just wanted to find Natasha, but apparently Laura could read his mind. "I get it, I really do, but I'm not taking no for an answer, Doctor Banner," she chided. "Nat makes me play this game too, but you've already been traveling for more than a day, so you're taking tonight off and then you can go back to the search."

Bruce blinked several times, "But—"

"No buts."

Lila giggled.

Tony shrugged, "You heard the lady."

"If—"

"No ifs."

"A—" and he didn't even get to finish that.

"No ifs, ans, or buts," Laura told him with a steely voice.

Bruce _swore_ she was giving him Natasha's infamous stink-eye and it became apparent that Natasha and the Bartons spent far too much time together. Suddenly he wasn't sure if the stink-eye was Natasha's first or Laura's and that made each woman somehow equally as terrifying as the other.

"You won't win," Lila told him, "Even Auntie Nat never wins against mommy."

And that was a horror-show of a thought. "You scare me," he admitted.

Lila continued to giggle and Laura just smiled with a little shrug, "Go get ready for bed, sweetheart."

"Yes, dear," Tony remarked before the little girl could reply. Bruce groaned, Lila laughed and Clint smacked the billionaire on the back of the head as he walked back into the room with a much better smelling Nathaniel.

"Only I get to 'Yes, dear' my wife, Stark," Clint warned him with a grin.

Bruce saw it coming in an instant and he shook his head even before the words left Tony's mouth, "Yes, dear."

Laura gave a light laugh as she took Lila's hand in hers, "Say goodnight, Lila."

"G'night Mister Stark, g'night Uncle Bruce," and Bruce tried not to look too awkward when the little girl tugged her hand from her mother and graced him with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Can you give the picture to Auntie Nat, Uncle Bruce?"

"Oh, well sure..." he agreed with a sheepish smile. "Good night, Lila."

Cooper scooted through not long after and Bruce was again surprised to receive a big hug from a Barton kid. He really wasn't used to being so well-received by people but perhaps avoiding that was what had always given him the notion that he wouldn't be. The Other Guy had given each member of the Avengers what Tony had deemed a 'Hulk-slap' at least once at some point or another, and Thor had been on the receiving end of quite a few. The Asgardian never took it personally though, in fact, he seemed to think it was rather funny. Thor was in the lead with a good dozen hits from the Other Guy, Natasha ranked second with six, Steve and Tony tied with three and Clint remained in last with two hits.

If he was honest, Natasha probably would have a lot more racked up if she weren't so quick on her feet. The first one had been that initial hit during Loki's invasion, but she had taken five during the creation of the lullaby that still made him cringe. For some reason that was the very same woman who 'adored' him and he found himself wondering and even hoping that she still did.

It wasn't much later that Bruce found himself in what appeared to be Natasha's room in the Barton home. He hadn't been in this room the first time but it was loaded with kid's drawings and even pictures of Natasha and the three kids.

"You alright?"

Bruce turned towards the voice to look at Tony and he gave a small shrug, "Just—the pictures. I've never seen her smile like that."

He watched Tony's eyebrow quirk up in response to that. The billionaire's comment was unexpected, "She smiled like that around you all the time."

Did she? Bruce had never noticed.

' _Around you she seems very relaxed._ '

And he apparently hadn't noticed quite a few things about her. Like her growing interest in him or even his own growing interest in her. Steve had been the one to point out _both_ of those to him, the first about how Natasha acted around him and the second when Bruce realized he _cared_ that Steve said he had seen Natasha flirt up close.

"Remember that stupid joke you told her when she was so keen on ignoring both of us in the tower after the whole fall of SHIELD thing?" his friend questioned.

Bruce frowned at that and thought back on it.

 _Natasha had been in the tower for two weeks and she hadn't spoken more than one or two words. She always looked completely unaffected by any and everything. Indifferent was a good word; expressionless, empty, impassive. She had a lot more character to her when he first met her; pleasantries, threats, lies and what he was pretty sure was one proposition. It wasn't until he found her sitting on the counter in the kitchen and eating a bowl of cereal that he dared to try and attempt any real conversation._

 _Real conversation had turned into the world's dumbest joke within two minutes of awkward silence between them. "So a couple hunters are out in the woods when one falls to the ground and doesn't seem to be breathing. His friend calls 911 and says to the operator, 'My friend is dead, what do I do?' so the Operator says, 'Take it easy, I can help you, first let's make sure he's really dead.' There's silence for a few seconds and then a shot is heard before the hunter says, 'Okay, now what?'."_

 _She stared at him with the spoon still in her mouth before she swallowed her bite of cereal and the corners of her lips quirked into the biggest grin, "That was incredibly dorky, Banner, but since it was sort of funny I'll ignore the dork factor."_

" _Oh good, Bruce used the hunter joke ice breaker again," Tony stated with a roll of his eyes as he wandered in. "He did that to Pepper, too."_

 _There was something akin to amusement in her eyes and Bruce felt a little better to see some of her old spark flare back to life, even if it was at his expense, then she thoroughly embarrassed him with her comment, "Oh, so you're using that line on all the girls, Doc?"_

Bruce remembered vividly turning a good tomato color all over his face when she said that with her sultry little smile. Now that he actually thought about it, she _did_ smile like that a lot, typically when he said or did something completely and utterly ridiculous. And that happened often...

"She just added the one on the nightstand," came Laura's voice.

Bruce dared to glance over at it but it wasn't what he expected to see. He stared with his lips parted slightly to see a picture from Tony's party just before Ultron where Natasha was leaning over the bar with that flirtatious little smile and he had his own shy and nervous smile. "Where did she get that?" he questioned in disbelief.

It only took him a second to figure out the answer and he turned to Tony in an instant. The billionaire looked unashamed as he shrugged, "Jarvis captured that little moment, you know, before the incident. I gave it to her seven months ago."

 _And she had kept it..._ that left a pained little feeling in his gut. She had kept the picture and put it in the one place she called home. The only place she called home. His eyes remained glued to the photo and all he could think was that he should have stayed gone. Maybe he hadn't been the one to _actually_ leave, that had been the Other Guy, but Bruce himself made the decision not to come back for eight months. Some mixture of betrayal, resentment and adoration had flown through him over the months and he had been forced to wait until the first two faded somewhat before he could face Natasha again. And before he could face that she probably had the same three feelings coursing through her when the Other Guy cut that video call and disappeared. Sure, his other half had been a little miffed with Natasha's push, but that wasn't what made him leave.

Natasha's near death by Ultron shooting at him and her in the quinjet during the lullaby had been the cause of the redhead was the one thing they both agreed on, the one thing both of them seemed to care about, and neither of them wanted her hurt because of them.

"I know what you're thinking, Doctor Banner," Laura mentioned next, "That it's better to leave and have her alive and hating you than dead and loving you, but she doesn't hate you, she gets why you left." Bruce finally dragged his eyes from the photo to Clint's wife just as she continued to speak, "And you're wrong because it's not better, not for her. For Natasha physical pain is practically nothing, but emotional pain? That's something she doesn't know what to do with, something she can't handle, and that's why she's gone. She's dealing with emotions the only way she knows how." And before he could ask _how_ Natasha dealt with that, Laura was already answering the question, "Alone. And it seems to me that's the same way you deal with the same things."

She was right. Bruce and Natasha were alike in so many ways that he hadn't noticed until people started bringing them up. Neither of them knew what to do with emotions and feelings. Neither of them played entirely well with others(though they both tried as best they could). They both grew up seeing terrible things, things that still left stinging feelings in the scars that those moments left behind. They both carried physical and emotional trauma from young ages to this very day. Natasha carried torture, murder and a bleeding ledger everywhere she went. Bruce carried abuse, murder and an angry ledger of his own everywhere he went.

"I'm envious, Laura. You're practically Yoda. Barton married an attractive Yoda," Tony commented offhandedly.

Bruce watched as Laura smiled at the comment and he did chuckle a little at his friend. Moments like these he was always grateful that Tony Stark had forced himself into the position of his best friend.

"We all look for that one person that's willing to look past our scars, Doctor Banner," Laura added next. "We all want to find that one person that's willing to heal those scars, that can make them hurt a little less. That first instinct is always to run, to run and never look back so that those scars can't hurt the people we care about."

"It just makes things worse," Tony finished for her. He tapped his chest, "Take it from a man with scars out the wazoo, or chest, if we're going for the literal version."

"Who's the wise one now?" Laura joked.

"I prefer wiseass since clearly you're the master, except for that part where you married Barton, that still blows my mind."

Bruce smiled just slightly at their banter.

"Before you go back to finding her and _actually_ do find her," Laura began next, "I just want you to think about whether or not you're willing to let your scars be healed. I can't tell you if Natasha is, there are a lot of things I still can't tell anyone about her after ten years, but you need to at least know about yours."

"What's that saying..." Bruce mumbled aloud to himself, "You can't love someone until you love yourself?" He watched Laura's eyes soften and get a little sad at that and he quickly finished that thought, "Whoever said that was wrong because I hate myself, I probably always will, but..."

Laura and Tony stared at him in wait but he couldn't bring himself to voice that opinion to them. He wasn't sure he was ready to admit it to himself let alone them or Natasha. And that was exactly what Laura was talking about. If he couldn't say what he felt to himself, how could he say them when he found a certain redhead?

"Well...I'll go, I should make sure Clint and the baby are still alive, they're _too_ quiet," Laura told them with suspicion clear in her eyes. He swore he heard her mumble, 'That man is always up to no good when he's quiet...' and it made Bruce chuckle and Tony grin.

"Is it _weird_ that I like Barton better now that I know he's a family man?" Tony questioned.

Bruce shrugged a little at that. "Not really," he finally answered after a beat.

"Ahh... you like him better now that you know, too." And then his friend smirked before the next comment, "But for a completely different reason! You like him better because _now_ you know that weirdly close relationship those two have has absolutely nothing to do with sex!"

Bruce raised an eyebrow up.

"Okay, well, there's a good chance it has nothing to do with sex."

Bruce chuckled once again.

"You love her, Bruce," Tony voiced it out loud for him and the words hit him like a sack of bricks, "But Laura's right. If you can't, you know, do something about it? Don't go to India."

He sighed at that, but again, it was what he had been thinking in the first place. He watched Tony pick up the photo that started this conversation and look at it before he put it back down and headed towards the door. "Tony?"

"Yeah?"

"What do you do if the window is closed?"

His friend quirked both eyebrows up at the question. "Window?" he questioned uncertainly. "Oh, like the window of opportunity window? I gotcha," and he tapped his index finger on his chin a few times before giving the most obvious answer in the history of the world, "Just open it, Bruce."

"What if it's locked?"

Tony gave him a rather sardonic look, "You afraid Romanoff locked the window?"

"A little..." he admitted.

"Then bang until she lets you in."

Bruce gave a halfhearted smile at that.

"Or just go green and smash the window, that's always an option for you," Tony added as he left the room.

It made Bruce smile and shake his head all over again before he fully took in Natasha's room in the Barton home. He wasn't used to seeing her have sentimental things, not at the tower anyways, and it was almost like an entirely new world opened up. Kids drawings, some that Natasha probably did _with_ the kids. Homemade arts and crafts including a horrifically painted piece of child-made pottery that nobody was ever likely to know what it actually was.

The actual pictures were the best though, showing sides of Natasha that he never got to see, 'Auntie Nat'. Behind that ridiculous smile she wore, her eyes in some of them showed the pain that the smile was hiding.

And he knew why...

The unshed tears in her eyes when she said she couldn't have this either. That the people who stole her childhood, also stole her ability to give life, leaving her with only the ability to take it. He never knew what that pain she hid so well was until that moment where she told him the truth.

Could two broken halves make a whole? What if the pieces didn't align? What if they were pieces from two different puzzles?

What if she didn't open the window?

All the other questions he could be alright with if something went wrong. Well, not alright, but he could live with it. Would have to live with it. The last? If she didn't open the window for him, he would be forced to live with it when he was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to. And that was the reality of what made him question whether or not this was a good idea.

Rejection.

And she adored him eight months ago. 'Adore' didn't mean love. Natasha Romanoff didn't do 'love'. It was for children.

He sat down on the bed, put his hands over his face, and rubbed tiredly at his eyes.

"Are you okay, Uncle Bruce?"

And Bruce glanced up to the open door immediately and looked at the little girl in her butterfly pajamas. "Oh...Lila, I'm—I'm fine."

"Auntie Nat says that too," the little girl told him as she wandered over holding a teddy bear. "She lies a lot."

He couldn't help but grin. Natasha would hate it if she knew that out of all people, a seven-year-old girl knew when she was lying. "She does, but she does it for good reasons," he assured the kid. "She doesn't want you to know when she isn't fine, you're not supposed to know," he added.

"Why not? Everybody gets sad, Uncle Bruce."

Bruce's eyes softened at that. "Yeah, they do," he agreed. "But grown-ups never want kids to know that, they want you to be happy, to think they're happy even when they aren't. It's what grown-ups do."

"Why are you sad, Uncle Bruce?" the little girl questioned as she wormed her way up onto the bed and sat down next to him.

"I really want to see your Aunt Natasha," he admitted.

"Me too."

He smiled at that. "I bet she wants to see you, too," he assured her. "But I'm sad because I'm not sure she wants to see me..."

The eyeroll came swiftly and without reserve. "You really are silly, Uncle Bruce," Lila informed him with a rather exaggerated sigh. "Auntie Nat misses you, too." He blinked a few times. "She went to coldcuts cause you were lost."

"Lost?"

"It's what she said," Lila stated, "You were lost and she would find you."

And there was his reason to leave for India in the morning. Right there.

Love was for children. He blinked a few times at that. _Her_ love was for children. For Clint and Laura's children. He was pretty sure he understood now what she said to Loki a few years earlier. But if he was right about that, if he was right that she hadn't meant love was _only_ for children, then did that mean she would be willing to love someone? If she did, could she love him? He wanted the answers and at the same time, Bruce didn't want the answers. He was terrified the answers wouldn't be good ones.

"You're _both_ weird," Lila groaned out. "You look for her. She looks for you," and he watched as she raised her hands in disbelief, the teddy bear fell to the floor and she smacked her knees with her hands. "It's like...a _really really_ bad Disney movie, Uncle Bruce."

He snorted out a laugh at that almost immediately. No wonder Natasha loved this little girl so much. She was absolutely hilarious once she warmed up to you. The shy little girl had been adorable, but the more sarcastic and witty little girl, she was downright(and he hated himself for thinking like Tony) but this version of Lila was awesome. "It is, isn't it?" he questioned with a smile. "When I find her, I'll tell her you said so."

"And give her the picture."

"And give her the picture," he repeated with a serious expression and a nod.

He picked up her teddybear from the floor and handed it back to her, "And what's this guy's name?"

"Humphrey Beargart."

Bruce managed not to laugh. "That's...did your Aunt Natasha give you that bear?"

"Yup."

This time he _did_ laugh. Of course it was Natasha. She liked Casablanca even more than he did. It sealed the deal even further. He needed to find Natasha.

"Lila, sweetie, you're supposed to be in bed," Clint warned his daughter as he stepped in the room. "C'mon, rugrat, scoot!"

Bruce chuckled as the little girl squirmed off the bed and took off past Clint at a run while giggling. "She wasn't bothering me."

"Yeah, I know," Clint admitted as he ran a hand through his hair. "I...heard. Can I tell you something, Bruce?"

Bruce gave a small nod at that.

Clint took a few steps into the room and folded his arms over his chest, "For a while I kind of didn't like you."

"After I left?"

"Not just then," Clint admitted. That took Bruce a little more by surprise. "When my wife pointed out there was a _thing_ between you and Nat. When I realized I didn't notice that my best friend had feelings for someone. When I realized she didn't tell me that she did," and Bruce supposed it made a little more sense now. "Nat tells me everything and she didn't tell me that," he added as he leaned back against the wall. "So...I hated you for just a little while. But then I looked, _really_ looked, and I saw the way she looked at you. And I saw how worried you were when Ultron had her and she was the first thing you asked about," Clint admitted next with a little shrug. "So...when you leave to go find her? I want you to know that while if you _didn't_ turn into a giant green rage monster, I would hit you for disappearing, you're also the one person I'm willing to trust my best friend with."

Bruce gave a halfhearted and sheepish little smile at Clint's comment before he answered that with what he couldn't voice earlier, "I love her..."

And Clint grinned now, "Me too, man. Me too."

* * *

It felt like it took ages to reach Kolkata, India. Even so, he was forced to go searching for that ridiculous little hut of a house at the edge of the city that she had tricked him into going to a few years earlier. Tony had stoically agreed to wait with the jet, though Bruce imagined 'waiting with the jet' meant traversing the city, and he was grateful to his friend for whichever option he went with. It took an hour to find that house again and it looked much the same.

Bruce wasn't even sure if he would find her there. Maybe she had already come and gone. Maybe she never showed up to begin with. Maybe Lila and him were wrong. All the 'maybes', 'what ifs' and other indecisive moments were truly beginning to drive him up the wall. He felt like he might actually lose his mind as he stood outside the door. Nobody was around and he sighed before he knocked on the door with uncertainty.

Nobody answered and he never heard anyone move inside, though if Natasha were in there, he knew how eerily silent she could be. He knocked again, waited again, but there was absolute silence from inside and he felt that depressive and sinking feeling that she wasn't here. He felt like he needed to be certain and after waiting a few minutes he finally dared to push the door open. He glanced around inside before going in but there was nothing that popped out at him, nothing to indicate anyone had been here recently.

He only made it two steps in when he was unexpectedly flipped over and landed hard enough on his back to take his breath away for a moment. Before he could think or react there was a _very_ sharp blade against his neck and he took a few deep breaths as he watched instant recognition light up in familiar jade colored eyes.

Natasha pulled the blade away in an instant and stood back up with the most shell-shocked look he had ever seen on her face. Her eyes were a little wide, lips parted just slightly and he said the only thing he could think of, "Lila said you and I were like a really bad Disney movie..." Natasha's flabbergasted disbelief at his comment caused her to huff out a mixture between what might have been a laugh and a deep breath of uncertainty. "You're not easy to find..." Bruce mentioned. "Everywhere I went, I kept getting told you were already long gone..." Her lips parted again and then closed with a little pop and Bruce realized in an instant she was apparently at a loss for words, so he slowly sat up and forced himself back to his feet. "Stark Tower, the new Avengers facility, Barton's house..." and given her silence it was clear she wasn't opening the window, not yet, and maybe never again. "I know I—I disappeared first, but...but I should have waited for you. I should have disappeared _with_ you," he finally told her. "I wanted to disappear with you. Run with you." Natasha was still staring at him, though this time, her expression was the purest essence of neutrality and he watched the window get further and further away in his mind. "I didn't want you to be hurt because of me again. I didn't want to hurt you..." he froze in an instant with the continued sinking pit that grew in his stomach, "But I did...I hurt you. And—and you're not speaking to me..." Bruce released a heavy sigh as he rubbed at his eyes. "Natasha...I never meant for this, for any of this, I never wanted you to get hurt...I just wanted you safe. I wanted you alive. And I thought it was better if you were alive and hating me rather than hurt or dead and—"

"Bruce, if you would shut up for a second then I would be able to speak to you," Natasha informed him as she quirked a single eyebrow up. It was effective and he clammed up instantly. He hadn't realized that he hadn't taken more than half a second to breathe between all of that, that he never actually gave her a chance to respond. She released the smallest of sighs as she shut the front door and leaned back against it before she spoke again, "You're right, it hurt when you left, and I tried to pretend that it didn't. I tried to pretend that it didn't matter, that you didn't matter, that _this_ didn't matter." Even if she hadn't meant for it, her words hurt more than anything, until her next statement proved that there was a worse thing to hear, "But I hurt you first and I deserved all of that."

"Nata—"

"Not done, Bruce," Natasha chided. "Don't deny it. Don't tell me that you weren't angry with me, because you had to be, you had to be because _I_ was angry at myself. I hated myself, but I had to do it, I needed to do it. I needed you to see that you're not a monster, that the Big Guy isn't a monster, so I showed you what a monster really was." His eyes widened a little at that but before he could open his mouth to speak she was talking again, "And you left without me so I guess I proved my point pretty well."

Bruce had to force himself to breathe when he realized he wasn't doing much of it at all. "You keep calling yourself a monster but you're not. I was mad, mad because I didn't understand, but I—I get why you did it now," and he took a few breaths, released a single deep breath, then locked eyes with her. "Is our window closed, Natasha? Did it close when I disappeared?" he finally dared to ask.

She blinked several times as she stared at him, "Our window?"

He wondered if she forgot about that conversation and then he looked down at the floor and sighed, "Right..."

"I never closed the window, Bruce. I wasn't sure we had a window, you told me we missed it, how could I close something that was never there?" Bruce looked away quickly when he noticed she wasn't looking at him either and then she continued to speak, "But just so you know, if we _hadn't_ missed our window, I would never close it on you."

He looked up in an instant and the question came out before he could stop it, "Do you still adore me?"

Those eyes he found so amazing looked a little bewildered at the question and Natasha stopped leaning against the wall and stood a little straighter. For half a second he saw the flicker of uncertainty as she seemed to debate answering him, or debate how to answer him, or maybe she just didn't know...maybe she never really did adore him. He was afraid she was going to say no, but before he had a chance to take the question back she gave a more unexpected answer, "That might be putting it mildly, but yes. Eight months doesn't make that just go away."

"So you still...?"

She ignored him. "Let me ask you a question..."

Bruce took a deep breath at that but nodded nonetheless.

"What do you do when the _one_ person that you want to be there the most is the one that hurt you?" came her question and his breath hitched at it because it was the same thing he asked himself for eight months. Then she went on, "How can I want so badly to have you here, to kiss you right now, and at the same time want you to disappear?"

That stung. He understood it, but it stung, and he closed his eyes for a moment to breathe through the onslaught of feelings that brought about. "I asked myself that for a while. But I think the answer in your case is because...putting it mildly, you adore me?" he finally piped up with the sheepish answer. "Leaving you behind was—was a mistake, but even if I don't have a chance here, Natasha, I will wait for you to disappear with me this time. I will wait for as long as it takes because I can't, no...I wont, I won't make the same mistake twice." Natasha looked absolutely stunned now and he continued with his statement, "Because the answer to your question in _my_ case is because I love you. And—and loving you is weird, and confusing, and risky...but if I had the chance then I would love you all over again."

Her eyes reminded him a lot of back at the Barton farm, shiny and damp, much like a dam that just might burst if she wasn't careful. Her voice was soft and quiet when she murmured one word, his name, "Bruce..."

Bruce moved closer to her and put his hands on either side of her face, "You hurt me, Natasha, and I hurt you, and we will probably hurt each other a lot more... but can I open the window anyway?"

She bit down on her lower lip as she studied his face to try and get any semblance that he might be playing her, as she looked for a reason to doubt the validity of his statement, then she gave the saddest smile, "Like I said, it's not closed, Bruce. I'll never close it, not on you."

He pressed his forehead against hers and closed his eyes in bittersweet relief. He knew he missed her but he hadn't realized how much until now, until this very moment when he knew she felt the same way. "I tried really hard but I finally figured out one thing for certain while I was gone..." and she looked a little curious when he dared to open his eyes again so he finished the thought, "I don't know how to exist anymore in a world where you aren't there."

"Bruce...what if I can't figure out how to love you back?" Natasha breathed out the question like it was a poisonous gas filling the air and his eyes softened as he looked at her. She only became more endearing when she looked a little distraught over it, "What if I'm not capable of it?"

So he gave her the the truth, "Then I'll take whatever you are capable of, whatever you're willing to give."

"It's just that love is for children and..." she paused and he hazarded a guess that she was trying to think of the best way to word what came next before she finally decided to just let the words spill out, "I want to be childish with you, but I need time, and even with all that I might not ever figure out how."

Bruce just shook his head and smiled a little at her wording, "Knowing that you're trying, that you even _want_ to try, that's enough for me."

"So what now?" she asked softly and once more he was stunned by that look of adoration in her eyes as she looked into his. He never thought he would see what he saw in this very instant, a look of vulnerability that just didn't suite her, that made his heart skip a few beats that she could wear that look because of him.

"Run with it," he suggested. "I disappeared... then you disappeared, so maybe for a little while we could just disappear together?"

The corners of her lips quirked upwards into the first real smile since he showed up and he felt relief at the sight of it, even more so when she nodded wordlessly. He pressed his lips to hers in an instant, much like she had done to him what felt like ages ago, but this kiss lasted more than two seconds, and fortunately, didn't end with him being pushed into a crater. He felt her hand snake around the nape of his neck and the innocent kiss turned less than innocent. Her lips parted and gave him further access and he took what she offered without hesitation.

He only pulled away when the realization of what she offered smacked him in the face. Natasha was offering every piece of herself she possibly could and Bruce felt like she was the only thing that might ever matter to him ever again. She was blinking quite a lot as she tried to determine _why_ the kiss stopped and he finally took a good long look at her. Her hair was lighter than before, straight, and down passed her shoulders. She was so different in so many ways and he was still stunned by the fact that she could feel the way she did for _him_ of all people. He was even more stunned that he could feel this way for her. "I never thought I would feel this way for someone again...and yet here I am, realizing that I've never felt this way before at all. Natasha...what I feel for you is—there just aren't enough words. So from now on, just...even if I'm mad at you, or you're mad at me, I won't disappear without you again. I'll always—I just...I don't know where I'm going with this..."

The tiniest laugh came from her lips as she wrapped her arms tightly around him, "Bruce...you really are a dork."

"Oh...speaking of that," and he pulled out the folded up paper and handed it to her when he got free from the embrace, "I was told to give that to you."

Her eyebrow quirked in an instant as she plucked it from his hand and unfolded it. The smile on her lips grew enormously and his heart warmed at the sight. "Bruce, it's like a unicorn crapped a rainbow onto this poor butterfly..."

And he laughed in an instant, "That sounded like something Tony would say."

She smirked just a little in response, "So you went to the farm?"

"It was my third stop."

Natasha smiled again, "Did Cooper show you his Hulk fists?"

"The fists spoke," Bruce stated with a sheepish smile.

And she laughed again, then her nose scrunched up and she stared at him, "What the hell was that first thing you said to me? That Lila called us a really bad Disney movie?"

"Yep...that really happened, too. And she actually said 'really really'." Natasha smiled again as she shook her head and he brought up one other thing, "And...I saw the picture. It was...it was a really good picture." It was the barest of smiles he received in return at that comment and he pulled her back into a tight embrace. So far, neither of them had actually apologized to the other, merely skirted around the idea that they were each sorry. Bruce couldn't decide if it was a good or bad thing that they were actively avoiding _real_ apologies. The basic idea was there and he knew that like saying 'I love you', saying 'I'm sorry' was also another foreign thing in Natasha's vocabulary. She found other ways to say certain things and that was alright with him. That was enough for him.

"Bruce?"

He had gone off into his own little world for a minute and she had allowed him, leaving her face buried in the crook of his neck while he tried to think through everything. Her breaths came in warm little puffs on his neck and she left one hand on his back while the other rested with a feathery touch on his chest. "Yeah?"

"Can we really be okay after all that?" came her question and he frowned as he held her a little tighter. "How can you be okay with this?" she asked him as she shifted out of his embrace. And there it was, the question that formed her version of an apology. "I never learned this. Any of this. The friend thing, the family thing, the...the _this_ thing."

Bruce snorted out a laugh in an instant at the last part of that. "The 'this' thing? Natasha..."

She gave a shrug as she stepped away and sat down on the old beaten up couch in the room. "Look, we don't talk much about things from our past. In fact, we actively avoided talking about any of it up until Clint's house, or I did anyways. The fact is, I spent my childhood learning how to lie and how to kill and how to _not_ make personal connections. Clint pulled me out of that life ten years ago, and I'm trying, I'm learning but..."

"No buts, Natasha...you're fine," Bruce attempted to assure her. "You're doing fine, you're doing the best you can...and so am I. We can be okay, we can...we just learn it together."

"The _this_ thing?" she teased.

"Yeah, the _this_ thing," he repeated with a small smile as he sat down on the couch next to her. He didn't fight it when she lifted his arm over her shoulder and rested her head and one hand on his chest. Steve had been right, around him, Natasha did seem really relaxed.

"I'm guessing it's not wrong to assume that Stark is here somewhere?" came her next question.

And Bruce knew he had been forgetting something when he suggested they just disappear together. "Oops...I left him running amok in the city..." and the tiny laugh that bubbled from her lips was good to hear again.

He watched as she smiled and met his eyes, "That's okay. I sort of knew when I decided to like you that Stark was part your whole..." and she motioned him up and down with the hand that wasn't on his chest, "package." Bruce couldn't help but laugh. "It's true," she told him with narrowed eyes.

"Never said it wasn't," he admitted with a haphazard shrug. "And you come with a husband, wife and three kids..." and this time her laugh was straight from the gut. "We can't just disappear, can we?"

Natasha gave a sigh at that, "Probably not. Not for long, anyways."

"But...maybe sometimes we can?"

"Sometimes would be good..." she agreed, "Can right now be one of those sometimes? Just for a little longer?"

He nodded at that as he rested his chin on top of her head. "Now is good, Tony can keep himself occupied for a while."

"Poor, Kolkata..." and he snickered at that. "We try to disappear and India has to suffer a Starktastrophe."

Bruce shook with silent laughter, "Maybe we shouldn't be gone too long then..."

"That's probably for the best."

"I adore you, Natasha."

And she shifted her gaze back to his again as she tried to determine how to respond to that and he just chuckled. The corners of her lips quirked into a smile as she leaned up and eased her lips against his. "I adore you, too," he felt more than heard the words she spoke against his lips and he smiled.

They would be okay. They weren't people who needed apologies. He wasn't somebody who needed her to up and declare her undying love for him and she wasn't somebody who knew how to do that anyways. They were always going to be anything except for ordinary.

And that was perfect to him.

Natasha was flawed, he was flawed, but together they were flawed almost perfectly.

* * *

 **Hope you enjoyed it.**


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